There are only 3 people on the planet who most likely have an idea of my identity. I didn't think of that until I got super excited seeing the webpage. I wonder if there is a way to change the neocities. Was browsing a webpage of someone on an onion site and was instantly drawn to the "neocities" name once I took stock of what was going on -> insta flashbacks to geocities from yahoo! I wish flash were still a thing, Id have bubble bauble as a game to play like I used to have on my old geocities page.
I also have been wanting to update my html coding skills but haven't found anything that would make it fun and I think that having an external webpage helps. Watching it form itself in real time. Because this account is attached to a particular address a part of me does believe the name of the site should be different. just so that I can keep organized/not create a conflict of interest for myself.
July 30 2024 4:21
Turns out I was able to quickly change the name that pointed to the website. I appreciated the speed with which I was able to do that and am looking forward to exploring more of building a website. Haven't decided yet if I'll dust off my old books or use some of the updated tutorials. As I typed that I remembered that just because I don't like to update and upgrade apps/programs/things, doesn't mean the tech sector hasn't. And after seeing that some javascript from freecode camp is depreciated, that might be the case with some html tags. I'm looking forward to the exploration.
Calling this page The Quest for The Hero's Quest. What has been my new kick? Currently writing out/drawing out myself in a summation of the last couple of years on a Heros Quest. Hero's Journey. Still definitely on it, but wanting to use this space to document part of the history part of the news that I want to make so much sense of that is blasting around in my skull.
July 30 2024 4:31
I got up with the intention to write in this composition notebook that I bought at the 5 below on Sunday but instead am choosing to type on here. It really tickles me and brings me back to the time that i writing out what I wanted to design on my website on paper and then type it in here manually. But without all the bells and whistles that html/css + javascript are up to today. I've been having in the back of my mind spin around the beginnings of what I want this site to form into.
A bit about me - I've been --- now I've written and typed something about 5 different ways and then deleted it. Not wanting to phrase it as a problem or issue, moreso a trait that I'd like to move away from - constantly thinking of how to speak/emote in ways that will keep those around me feeling comfortable and at ease. I'm literally in my own space, doing my best to be as anonymous as possible - I am currently tuned in via a TOR browser, using a proton email, and doing my best to not have any "outside world" attachment to this area. It's an exercise actually in being present. Or at least it feels like one
July 31 2024 1:05
Adventures of Spectre 7/31/24 2:12
At least it cooled down in this room. I should head to bed but I'm disinterested. At the moment, listening to music and enjoying my alone time. Also thinking of my work outside of my work. || but im gonna pause here.
August 1 2024 1:09
Hardly slept last night - heat was intense and it was clear I was not going to rest until after 4am (and I knocked out and woke up a short while later, thanks to coffee and just general "i gotta get through this".
Tmrw/Saturday will be my deadlifting 3s week. I should try and get some kind of sleep so that I can be as fresh as possible for lifting tomorrow. What I did last week was just push it off until Sunday and then I did deadlift and press into a combined workout. I have some reps that I am missing this week (if I still want to catch them up: chin ups, one legged squat and GHRs).
I'm also thinking of what exercise equipment I want to buy myself within the next few weeks. Ideas are:
The final frontier is that last corner. Once I make a dent in that I know that this room will open up and it will be so much easier to manouver around. I keep trying to think of h ow to tackle it because it feels like nothing I do does anything to actually decrease it. It might actually take just sorting what needs to go to the storage unit for now while I get more space here to gut and throw out. I also want to just be easy on myself. It took me about 6 months to get the bedroom into order. I wish the livingroom could be done by myself in 1.5 days. I think i'm going to try just stacking things into one corner of that table to give myself access to another working table. See what that does. Then I might actually bring the other computer back and have a true command center here. Ready to smoke and lie down. My addiction work sways - some days I dont want to smoke/drink and I feel good and other days (especially when hot) I just grab a drink to take the edge off, then I want to smoke to just help me sleep. My back has been spasm'ing for the past week. I tried to stretch it out yesterday but I think I did more damage. Will monitor. However, I'm curious to re-try TENs machines to see if that will help with my back pain. Time to sign off, too much typing and I'm ready to wind down forreal. Last list:
August 3 2024 0:04 Saturday
Want to use the Sunday to just do some cleaning, slow but surely cleaning. And then put the bags out tonight. They showed the lizard with pants on, its time for me to really get myself into gear. No selfjudgments - stuff that took 10 years to build up wont get cleared out in 2 seconds, but its coming to the point where I'm going to have to brute force it. I'm gonna take some of the bulk items and bring them into the next room, that's why this one feels so overfull, trying to keep another person's space clear but these are technically their supplies. When I get it to the point where I'm not also sleeping in this room then that way it can turn into a storage room. Bulk items to move are toilet paper, paper towels, water bottles, baby wipes, garbage bags. That will definitely add air space to this room. Just moving it to the exit of the room makes the room seem bigger. After that its really next to find something to do with the poop holders.
so far just sitting at my desk, still half on half off cleaning. Having beers and ready to smoke. Want to do it before it gets too late and have some personal time
August 4 2024 951
I am thinking to make this the last entry for a bit because I want to do some redesigning already. Maybe if I draw it first on paper I can get a sense of what it is that I want to do. First I was thinking to just have a plain first page and then a button at the bottom for those to press and then take people to the next section. Maybe I'll do both and see what it looks like and how I feel about it. Total free fall. Housing application was not accepted. Don't want to feel like giving up but doing my best to just exist and keep at it. So doing this instead. Want to turn the computer on so I can drive.
Woke up from a nap thinking to spend $60-70 on lottery. THought I was crazy but then felt maybe this was a "miracle moment". Ran down to the bank, went towards the direction of 7-11 to find out that its closed and slated for complete demolish. So I went and got some tickets from the gas station. The thing is, I got half way towards home when I realized the dream/bubble thought was telling me to go and buy the tickets for the drawing happening tomorrow. So essentilly I spent $60 on a game I didnt even set out to play. We'll see what happens. I did end up getting a $20 ticket to play for the game tomorrow, just to say that I did get it.
August 5 2024 Monday 2322
One hand - I personally didn't feel like I would be wanting to study in a tranditional manner in Fall 2024, other hand - wanting to keep options open because I also believe in keeping busy in the sense of learning/expanding. Decision was made for me though because of my poor academic performance last year the school recinded their scholarship to me. The director is seeing if they can get that decision reversed. I remain positive in writing but my brain and spirit kind of just feel more energy peter out. I'm just happy I did my degree studying in my 20s. If my brain and self were remotely anything like they are now back then it really would have been difficult to finish school. The main reason why I feel like I did complete my degree is because I was afraid of Ma and didn't want to disappoint her. But now is the time to start designing my own path of study. I get so overwhelmed though even thinking about what I want to do first. So I have been thinking mildly about projects I can do to help learn.
In other news I completed my first cycle of OG 5/3/1 2.0 (after recommitting myself to my exercises). I have been practicing getting to the rack after work and that makes a nice "date" to unwind from the work day. 3 days off though goes by so quickly. As I type I'm thinking of my - i stopped writing so that I could go and look for a plug, and I found it. It turns out I gave my neighbor the wrong laptop. No wonder hers isn't working.
my next thing is to find my CSS book. That way I can work with changing the layout of the page without necessarily having to redo all the code at the moment. As I was typing it started coming up in my head to maybe have the css use part of the page to show the running diary, have a "click here for more" thing and then step into the jungle of paradise.
August 13 2024 Tuesday 0518
Havemt updated this in about 8 days, been busy here. But things have been going well. I can update this still. :) I was able to successfully install Arch Linux today!
I have been wanting to climb that mountain for a while/it was on my to-do list to complete and am happy that I was able to. I took some photos but I realized my watermark is on them and at the moment I'm just wanting to float on here without any identity. I had a chance to do something but had another meltdown and left - another signal and I hope reminder for me to be strong in the power of No. I wouldn't have been in a situation I was in this past week if I had said no to taking a project on. But here we are. Me, back in my cave, before everything, I tinkered with stuff, explored and then went to practice something else.
now that I have completely installed arch on my chromebook, I'm tempted to uninstall it and re-do it, just to practice the installation and what's needed.
August 21 2024 Wednesday 2302
To learn more HTML/CSS, check out these tutorials!